


car thing

by gentlelogic



Series: The Human!Sides College AU Verse [19]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Logan has a car thing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reckless Driving, Trauma, and doesn't wanna confront it, but he's gonna have to, eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-09 21:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20124316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentlelogic/pseuds/gentlelogic
Summary: “You are not invincible, Roman,” Logan says.Roman frowns. “What’s that, Specs?”“35,092 people were killed in police-reported traffic crashes in 2015 alone. 2,443,000 were injured.” Logan hesitates. Tries not to burst into tears. “I was one of them. Please slow down.”or.Logan has this Thing. A Car Thing.





	car thing

Sometimes, Logan plays the car accident over in slow motion; which is funny, considering he cannot remember it very well. The details are blurred at the edges- the horror dulled. He should consider it a small blessing from whatever deity is looking out for him that he can’t remember it perfectly. He should be grateful.

But he’s not. It drives him up the wall that he cannot remember. He doesn’t remember the exact moment he went flying off the road. Doesn’t remember slamming into the tree. Because he was asleep moments before (_<strike>reckless, terrible, just as bad as drunk driving-</strike>_). All he remembers is waking up. The stench of gasoline and metal <strike>blood</strike>. His skin buzzing.

He remembers, quite clearly, more than anything, that he wasn’t numb anymore and he _didn’t want to die_. He’d wasted so much of his life pursuing nothing but his parents’ unattainable happiness. He wanted to go back to his dorm and thank Patton for being a great friend to him despite him being a cold… jackass. He wanted to go to his favourite sandwich shop and eat the turkey melt slowly and savour each bite.

He wanted to roll his eyes at his Astronomy professor’s terrible jokes once more. He wanted to eat a slice of jelly on toast. He wanted to tell his mom how much she’d hurt him. He wanted to block the number and forget her. He wanted a chance to live.

But Logan had laid amongst that wreck and tried to banish those thoughts from his head. In that moment-

Logan thought he was going to die. And he’d never been more scared.

000

Logan has a Thing. A Car Thing. Nobody talks about it, not really. Roman doesn’t even know much about it. Just that a student was involved in a wreck at the beginning of 2015 and that student _happened_ to be Logan. Virgil knows it’s a Thing, but he doesn’t know it’s this Big Thing that looms over Logan 24/7. And Patton.

Patton knows it’s a Thing. Patton was there after it all happened. He’d cried. Laid the gentlest hand on Logan’s shoulder. Told him he _loved_ him.

So. Patton knows. But they don’t talk about it. Patton drives him everywhere and doesn’t talk about it. It doesn’t come up. Patton’s a good driver. Patton doesn’t scare Logan like Roman does. So, he can sit in his seat and lean back and feel okay about cars for a millisecond. His mind doesn’t pump a constant flow of statistics at him: _<strike>In 2016 there were an estimated 7,277,000 police-reported traffic crashes, in which 37,461 people were killed and an estimated 3,144,000 people were injured. An average of 102 people died each day in motor vehicle crashes in 2016, one fatality every 14 minutes.</strike>_ His mind shuts up for once. When he’s in Patton’s car.

Patton’s a good driver. Maybe Logan gets a little too comfortable with that because when they’re driving back from Virgil’s one night, Logan falls asleep. There’s a loud screech of brakes and the car jerks forward to a stop as Patton swears (or, his brand of swearing _“son of a biscuit eater!”_) and lays on his horn. Logan flails, hands slapping against the dash. He stills. Breathes.

There’s a car in front of Patton. Patton’s bumper is nearly touching the other car’s rear until it pulls forward. Logan’s still trying to breathe normally as Patton pulls forward, then turns into a grocery store parking lot.

“I’m sorry, kiddo,” Patton says. His voice is careful and quiet. A hand comes down and lands on Logan’s shoulder. “He cut right in front of me without using a signal.” Patton knows Logan likes facts. Details. Explanations. “I’m sorry if I scared you. Or…” Patton hesitates, “triggered you.”

Logan tries to deny it but he’s still panting. Patton unbuckles and shuffles to the center, wrapping an arm around Logan. Logan can smell gasoline. Something metallic. His head is throbbing.

Patton holds Logan until he stops shaking. When his body stills, Patton is still there.

“I… apologise,” Logan says. “That was an overreaction.”

Patton’s brow is furrowed, bottom lip between his teeth. He smiles carefully, then pulls away, squeezing Logan’s shoulder as he goes.

“You don’t need to be sorry, Lo.”

Patton doesn’t say it’s not an overreaction- because they both know it’s not a normal one. But it’s also not the right time to talk about it. Talk about how it’s not normal.

Logan wonders if he ever will be ready to admit it’s a problem.

000

Roman’s going sixty-three in a forty-five and Logan is trying not to fall apart. He breathes. He tries to recite vocabulary words. Mathematical equations. It’s not working. He smells gasoline. Something metallic. His head throbs.

“You are not invincible, Roman,” Logan says quietly.

Roman frowns. “What’s that, Specs?”

Logan swallows. “35,092 people were killed in police-reported traffic crashes in 2015 alone. 2,443,000 were injured.” Logan hesitates. Tries not to burst into tears. “I was one of them. Please slow down.”

Roman doesn’t say a word. But the next time Logan looks at his speedometer, he’s going fifty.

000

He’s watching the news with Virgil. It’s a car accident. College student. Fell asleep at the wheel. Killed two pedestrians before crashing into another car and fatally smashing their head into the windshield. No seatbelt.

_ <strike>Could’ve been him.</strike> _

“Logan?”

_ <strike>Could’ve been him.</strike> _

Virgil’s hand is on his knee. Logan’s body is perfectly still. His eyes are unseeing. He smells gasoline. Something metallic. His head throbs.

“Have you ever seen a car accident?” Logan blurts.

Virgil flinches. “No.” His eyes flit to the T.V. “Did you know the driver?”

Logan shakes his head no. “I could have killed someone.”

Realization crosses across Virgil’s face. “You didn’t.”

“I could’ve.”

Virgil looks like he doesn’t know what to do. Logan still smells gasoline. “Could’ve doesn’t equate reality,” Virgil says.

Logan shrugs. “I suppose that is a true statement.” His heart still feels heavy, regardless of how true Virgil’s statement is. “Did you know that motor vehicle crashes were the leading cause of death for young people, ages 16 to 23, in 2015?”

Virgil doesn’t say anything. He slides closer to Logan, then wraps an arm around his shoulders. Squeezes. “You’re alive, L. You’re not a part of that statistic.”

“I am a part of other statistics though,” Logan says quietly.

“So am I, buddy. Most of us are a part of some statistic or another. We’re still people. Not just statistics.”

A tear burns its way down Logan’s cheek. Virgil leans closer to him, pressing his own cheek against Logan’s.

“I have a… thing. About cars,” Logan admits.

Virgil doesn’t say anything. Just hugs him a little tighter.

000

Logan has a Thing. A Car Thing. He doesn’t know what exactly he should do about it. But at least he can admit it’s a Thing.

That feels like progress.

**Author's Note:**

> Logan, my guy, therapy would probably be a good idea right about now. And I hope to kind of address this more in When The Curtain Falls, if I ever get around to updating it lmao.
> 
> Yeah, this piece is a bit vent-y. Sue me.


End file.
